Monday Night Meditation

Portland Kirtan with John and Friends

November 9th, 2009

Dear Friends,

Danielle and I will be chanting with Eostar and Fearless Love this Friday, November 13th, in Eugene.  We start at 7:30 at the Tamarack Wellness Center on 3575 Donald Street.  We will chant for the Ducks.  Sorry, Beavers, when we are in Corvallis, we will chant for the Beavers.

Here is  Genensh Sharanam  Believe it or not, this is the short version!  Danielle and I recorded this at Yachats last September with our friends Ri Stewart on tambura and Tom Anderson on pakhava, a type of double-ended hand drum.

Kirtan with John and Danielle

What - Kirtan with John and Danielle at Yoga Shala North Williams
When - Fourth Sunday of the month, 6 to 7:30 PM
Where - Yoga Shala North Williams, 3249 SE Division St., Portland
Details - Join us.  We have more fun if you do. By donation

What - Kirtan with John and Friends at Unity World Healing Center
When - First Friday of the month, 7 to 8:30 PM
Where - Unity World Healing Center, 20255 Willamette Dr., West Linn
Details - By donation.  Please join us in this beautiful setting

What - Kirtan with John and Danielle at Yoga Shala Southeast
When - First Saturday of the month, 5 to 6:30 PM
Where - Yoga Shala Southeast, 3249 SE Division St., Portland
Details - Let's follow our hearts into joy. By donation

Kundalini Yoga and Chanting with Aisha and John

What - Kundalini Yoga and Chanting at Yoga Shala Southeast
When - Tuesdays, 6:30 to 8 PM
Where - Yoga Shala Southeast, 3249 SE Division St., Portland
Details - Join us for this powerful combination of movement and chanting.

What - Kundalini Yoga and Chanting at Yoga Shala Southeast
When - Thursdays, 6:30 to 8 PM
Where - Yoga Shala Southeast, 3249 SE Division St., Portland
Details - Get strong and sink deep into your inner self.

Yoga and Chanting with Danielle and John

What - Vinyasa Yoga and Chanting at Yoga Shala Southeast
When - Mondays, 5:30 to 7 PM
Where - Yoga Shala Southeast, 3249 SE Division St., Portland
Details - Vinyasa levels two and three

What - Vinyasa Yoga and Chanting at Yoga Shala North Williams
When - Fridays, 9:30 to 11 AM
Where - Yoga Shala 3808 North Williams Ave., Portland
Details - Vinyasa level two

What - Vinyasa Yoga and Chanting at Yoga Shala North Williams
When - Sundays, 4 to 5:15 PM
Where - Yoga Shala 3808 North Williams Ave., Portland
Details - Vinyasa community class all levels

Prajnaji Sound Collective

I have a friend who loves music.  And she loves sharing it.  And if you would like to share it with her, go to Prajnaji Sound Collective, where you will find some of funkiest chanting you have ever heard.  My friend wants to remain anonymous, and so she shall.  But trust me when I say she is extremely talented.  And even more important, she is a caring and loving human being who wants the world to be a better place for her presence.

Podcasts - Letters to My Friends: A No Guarantees Guide to Awakening

I hope you enjoy these recordings from "Letters to My Friends: A No Guarantees Guide to Awakening."

A Calling

A Small Basketball Shark

Beyond the Need of Concepts

Begin Anew Again

Death and other fun stuff

Not long ago, I dreamed a dream while sitting on the side of a mountain near Yachats.  And as I sat, I watched the mists arising from the ocean to the west of me.  I cannot say if I was awake or asleep during this dream.  I only know that when I awoke from it, I had written of the dream as I dreamed it.
   
I looked about me, and I saw a girl, a real girl, one I had met only the day before.  Had she been there all the time?  It did not matter.  I got up and walked to where she sat in the grass.  I bent and kissed her forehead. Her name was Aga. I said in response to her surprised but gentle smile, “Thank you for the gift of that kiss. Someday I will explain.” I am explaining now.
   
Here is the dream.
   
   
When I die, I’m going to face my maker and my maker will say, “John before you return to a state of bliss, account for yourself."
   
And I’m gonna say, “What?”
   
And God’s gonna say, “Account for yourself.”
   
And I’ll say, “No, I heard that. What I want to know is if you really meant I’m going to return to bliss.”
   
And God will say, “You’re dead and your going to return to bliss. Yes, I said that.”
   
And I’ll say, “Bliss? Do you mean bliss as in nirvana, as in enlightenment, as in Samadhi and so on?”
   
And God will say, “Well, these terms are rather meaningless, but yes.”
   
“Do you mean to say that all I needed to do was die and I would have entered into a state of Samadhi?”
   
And God will say, “Yes.”
   
And I will say, “You mean all those years I sat meditating, sitting still, and being holy I was really seeking death?”
   
“Yes,” God will say, “And now that we have that straight, give an accounting of yourself.”

For My Friend and Sister

Dear Friends,

This is a story about a remarkable woman. But like all honest stories, it is about me. I cannot see her outside of my own world, nor should I. I will leave it to others who loved her to tell how she affected them.

Not long ago, a young man came up to me with two friends in tow. He said, “I’m so glad to see you here. I’ve been telling my friends about you. I told them meeting you is like meeting the Buddha.”

My reaction was one of resignation because this sort of thing happens to me fairly often these days. Still, like a favorite poem, my habitual thoughts paraded before me. There was nothing new in these thoughts. However, their ability to reproduce themselves with uncanny accuracy will never cease to amaze me. The human mind is a miracle of repetition, or at least mine is. My first thought is always, “But you don’t really know me!” My second thought is always, “But I don’t want to do this!” My third thought is always, “But what is it I do?”

It is true, those who say I remind them of the Buddha, with a few exceptions, do not know me. They do not see me when I feel confused, sad, angry, arrogant, or dependent. Oftentimes, but not always, when they do get to know me, they are disappointed. We all of us want a hero. I know I do. So I understand their disillusionment. The odd thing is that the more I insist I am not as loving as others sometimes think I am, the less I am believed. When I am accused of being loving, strange thoughts go through my mind, “What would happen if I spit on her? Would she still think I am loving?” But I never spit on those who admire me. To do so would be cruel, and besides I could never spit straight. I also am not as tough as I used to be, and I might get beat up in the ensuing fight.

In any case, it could be that if they see love in me, they will begin to see love in others. And if they begin to see love in others, they will see it in themselves. And if they see it in themselves, they will understand that they never could have seen it in others without it first being in them. And then perhaps when they see me in my weakest moments—whiney, clinging, and afraid—they will see and accept me with all my many bits and bobs.

It is also true that I do not want to do this; meaning that I do not want to live up to being the Buddha. I am me. I do not pretend to be anything other than what I am. I suppose this is a variation of my first statement, “But you don’t know me!” Disillusionment always follows being put on a pedestal, and I do not want to be the source of disillusionment; for I am much too insecure for that. I want to be loved always. Besides, being saintly sounds boring. I like to flirt with pretty girls. And I often have fantasies about them. I like to dance. I like to sing. I like to jump in cold rivers. I like to roll in mud. I like to be confused. I am never certain about anything, and I take great pride in it. I think humility is a highly overrated trait, and I am very humble.

And I especially do not want to live up to any standards other than my own, which leads me to the third thought that parades through my mind, “But what is it I do?” I never had a satisfactory answer for this question, until last night.

My brother called me and told me that his wife of many years, LaNae, had died unexpectedly from a blood clot. I could not feel. And I could think of only one thing. I knew I needed to be strong, first for my brother, but also for all those who also loved his best friend. My own grief could come later.

When I was a freshman in high school, she used to badger my brother to spend more time with me. I overheard her one day when I stopped by their house on the way home from school. I always went to the refrigerator first, and I heard her say, “He needs you. And you need to spend more time with him.” And she was right. I did need my big brother. My mother was sick most of the time. My father had to work and then come home and care for my mother. My sister had a new baby. So my brother decided to teach me to box.

As I was lacing up my boxing gloves, he told me, in uncharacteristic humility, “I know how to street fight, but there are plenty of guys who can clean my clock boxing.” Then he punched me in the head, hard. “Always hit them when they aren’t ready,” he calmly told me as I got up off the ground.

So over the next month or two, my brother taught me to box, which mostly consisted of me getting hit. One day, LaNae came out and shouted, “Tony, don’t hit him so hard! You’ll hurt him.”

Tony said, “He likes it.” And while his head was turned I whacked him hard in the side of the head. He staggered, looked at me, and smiled. I looked at LaNae and smiled. While my head was turned, my brother hit me. Who would do that to his own brother? I was a slow learner.

Podcast: Tea and Cookie Interview

Tea and Cookie Interview: Part 1

Tea and Cookie Interview: Part 2

Tea and Cookie Interview: Part 3

The secret of Nirvana

Now I will share with you the secret of all life, and I will share it freely.

I know what Nirvana is.  And I know how to go there.  This is what Nirvana is: A dance, a smile, a hug, a laugh, a song, good food, a warm bed, loving friends, a kiss, snow on the mountain top, gentle eyes, the sweet mummer of the river.

And this is how you go to Nirvana:  Love your self utterly and without reserve.

Are you angry?  Be angry and love yourself.  Hold yourself.  Comfort yourself.  Heal yourself.

Are you lonely?  Be lonely and love yourself.  Hold yourself.  Comfort yourself.  Heal yourself.

Are you a spiritual being having a human experience?  There is still hope for you.  Do not despair.  Love your flesh, love your blood, love your bones.  Embrace your weakness and find strength.

Are you frustrated because you do not meditate the right way?  Then embrace the wrong way.  Or wash the dishes.  Smiling while washing the dishes is a powerful meditation.  Do your thoughts race?  Then race with them and laugh.  Or fight them and frown.  Either way is fine, but one feels better.

You are not broken.  You do not need fixed.  You will be told a million times that you are broken, and a million times you will be told you need fixed.  Not true.

Words like perfect are silly.  Words like spiritual are worse than silly.  What is simply is.  Take your spiritual practice and do it wrong.  Do it as wrong as you can.  Set up camp in wrongness, bed down, and stay put.  Soon, you will laugh because that will be the only thing you can do.

There you have it-Nirvana.

And here is a mantra that the Goddess Bernice shared with me in a prayer by the river.  This will remind you of how to get to Nirvana.  Please try not to do it right.  Let your thoughts wonder.  Sit slouched, or sit straight.  Glance at a pretty woman or a cute man.  Be sad.  Be happy.  If you cannot do it wrong, keep trying.  Soon you will succeed.  Here is the mantra.   It is a big secret.  Please share it with everyone you meet.